Why You Can't Give 100% to Everything (And What to Do Instead)
(Prefer to listen? Throw on the audio version on Speechify and absorb this while you're doing literally anything else. Real human voice, zero robot vibes.)
This originally went out to my newsletter list. It felt worth keeping here too.
A few days ago, someone reached out to book an event with my new business, Forage.
Normally, that's exciting. An inquiry means someone wants to book you. It means the thing you built is working.
Except this one landed on a date my mom and sister will be in town visiting me.
And just like that, my brain went to war with itself.
I want this business to work. I don't want to turn down opportunities, especially early ones. But I also want my family to feel like a priority. I want to be present with them, not half-there, not sneaking glances at my phone.
I wanted to do both. At 100%. Simultaneously.
Which is, of course, not how math works.
Here's the thing I had to remind myself (and I say "remind" because I literally teach this stuff, and I still needed the reminder): you only have 100% to give. That's it. That's the whole budget. So when you split it, you're not creating more of yourself. You're dividing what already exists.
I did decide to do both – I'm going to say yes to the event and spending time with my family. But I'm going in clear-eyed: I won't be giving 100% to either. I'll be physically present with my family while some percentage of my brain is planning, problem-solving, and probably stress-eating snacks in the corner until it’s time to switch into boss mode. I'm choosing that consciously, because I think the 75% of me that will be enjoying the time with my family is worth it this time.
It might not be worth it next time. But that's a different decision.
What I know for certain is that 100% of both was never on the table.
I see this pattern constantly in high-achieving women. The woman who just got promoted — she's thrilled, she earned it, she wants it — but now she's working late nights and weekends and calculating whether to step away from a dinner she planned weeks ago to take a call from her boss at 8pm. She wants to be fully there for her loved ones and fully committed to her career, and the gap between those two things is quietly exhausting her.
The math is the same for her as it is for me. You can choose how to divide your percentage. You can be intentional about where it goes. But you cannot manufacture more of it.
Here’s what I didn’t expect, though.
When I finally brought my situation to my family — braced for disappointment, ready to apologize — they weren't upset. They were supportive. They told me to do both. They didn't need 100% of me. They just wanted to be included.
I had built an entire production in my head. Cast myself as the villain. Written the whole sad ending. And the people I was worried about? They just wanted to be there with me, whatever percentage that looked like.
The drama almost always lives in your own head. The people who love you aren't usually keeping score the way you are. What they notice is whether you showed up at all. And whether, when you did, you were trying.
You don't get to give 100% in every direction. Not today, not on your best day, not when you finally get organized enough or efficient enough or caught up enough. The math doesn't change.
But here's what you can do: decide intentionally where your percentages go, and then actually be there — in whatever fraction you've got — instead of spending it all on guilt about the fraction you don't.
That's not settling. That’s just the life equation.
— Kara
P.S. Where does this show up most for you: work pulling you away from life, or life pulling you away from work? Hit reply. I’d love to know.
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About Me
Hi, I'm Kara. I'm a former workaholic turned time management coach. I help high-achieving women in corporate stop overworking and start designing days that leave room for real life. Want to know more? Check out my About Me.
